What Goes Up Must Come Down

In honor of my third month here, which passed last Friday, here is the story of something that has been a driving force for me for years now. I accidentally published this a few weeks ago before it was finished, but it is now better and has some pictures. Please enjoy!

          I still have vivid memories of my mom telling me and my sisters that what goes up must come down when we were first learning to ride our bikes. We would get to the top of hills, but then decide we were too scared to go down it, but mom would always remind us that there was no other option. Whether we continued forward or turned around, we were still going to have to go down the hill. And after many bike rides of hearing this, I wasn't scared of the hills anymore. 

          When I joined the cross country team my freshman year, I had no clue what I was getting into. After the great puking incident of my first ever race (on a flat golf course no less), I found myself scared of the hills again, but for a new reason. I thought that there was no way I could run a course with hills if I couldn't even run a flat course. I quickly found myself in the opposite position of when I was a little girl, scared of going up the hill instead of down, but in the same situation. Now, there is a particularly notorious course in New Mexico that I had heard story after story about, all of them somewhere along the lines of, "This course is the hardest thing I've ever done and I thought I was going to die the whole time". For the already terrified of racing freshman Kathryn, these stories were not helping to ease my fears. I knew of the 3 enormous hills that would soon be coming my way and I was absolutely horrified at the thought of having to run them. But as we stood on the starting line, my sister and the other junior just kept reminding us freshman that what goes up must come down. If we could make it up those giant hills, we would be rewarded with a downhill. And as I faced those hills, I repeated that to myself over and over. What goes up most come down. I just had to get up, and then I could go down again. And it was horrible and painful and everything that I had imagined it would be. But I survived it. Everytime I made it to the top of a new hill, I was always gifted a downhill. And I made it through the race. 

          Since that day, this has become a rallying phrase for me. Whenever things got hard, I just reminded myself that if it was hard now, I would undoubtedly be rewarded with an easy time soon. It kept me sane knowing that things wouldn't be hard forever. And it has been no different for my time here in Turkey. Whenever things are really hard, whether it's my endless struggle with the language, homesickness, or just feeling uncomfortable all the time, I remind myself that I'm fighting my way up the hill right now, but soon, I'm going to get that downhill. While I can barely speak right now, soon I will be rewarded with being able to comfortably have conversations with anyone and everyone. When I'm homesick, I remind myself that in a few months, the thought of leaving here will make me unspeakably sad. When I feel incredibly awkward and like I am just taking up space here, I tell myself that before long, I will have a place in this community and will no longer feel like this. What goes up must come down. Things are going to get easier. 

          The night before I left Albuquerque, my best friend Keely handed me an envelope and told me to read it on the plane. But I couldn't bring myself to read it on the flight for fear of getting too emotional and I didn't end up reading it until I got to Aydin. The last line in that letter says simply, "Kathryn, just remember that what goes up must come down." And when I read that letter the first time, I needed that reminder. And throughout the time I have been here, I have needed to remind myself of that over and over again. And when I do, things always look a little better to me. So for everyone, whether you are at home or are a fellow exchange student, if you are reading this, just remember that your downhill is coming. You just need to fight to the top of this hill. What goes up must come down.