April!!!!

           I would first like to apologize for my somewhat extended absence from posting. I got somewhat busy these last weeks and never could quite find the time or motivation to write one. I hope to start posting regularly again from now on. This post will be an update on this past month for me. 

         In early April, my oldest host sister returned from Istanbul to spend a weekend here. I always love getting to have my whole family here and it's wonderful to see her. While she was here, we spent a lot of time around my city with her and her friends and I got to meet many new people. We also went to a nearby village and enjoyed an amazing dinner in a historical restaurant built in the 1900s. 

          We were given the opportunity to meet and ask questions to one of the head members of one of the political parties here who also runs a program giving grants to people invlages to build their businesses. It was very interesting to hear about the program she implements and all the wonderful effects it has had for people in the villages. 

Visiting the woman in charge of a program to give grants to village people. 

          I got to tour around my school's science fair and learn about everyone's projects. I was so impressed with all of my classmates and how well done their projects were. I even got to try the traditional water art called Ebru!

          I started volunteering at a preschool and have enjoyed making friends with and getting to know all the little kids there. I have also continued to volunteer at a nursing home, which always brings me so much joy and teaches me so much. 

          I also got the opportunity to visit the other YES Abroad students in their host city of Samsun. The city was absolutely beautiful and I loved traveling around it, getting to know a new host family for the weekend, and getting to spend time with my amazing friends, as well as meet some new ones. I will make a longer post about my trip soon, but for now, I am waiting for some picture on my friend's camera. 

 

          I had a lovely past month here and I can't wait to see all that May will bring. As always thanks for reading!

Turkish Time

          Sometimes when I'm talking with my friends here, I'll mention something about how busy I always was in the U.S. and I'll end up describing a normal day in the life of an average American teenager, or something like it. And as I go through my list -school, sports, dinner, homework, sleep- I realize just how structured my time always was and how little variety there was in my life. Monday through Friday, my days looked exactly the same and every weekend, I did basically the same thing. 

          But that is just how American culture is. So much emphasis is placed on doing tons of activities and always keeping busy, that my repetitive life suited me just fine. And I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I was perfectly content with my schedule, with always being able to count on what was going to happen and when. 

          But when I came to Turkey, my whole scheduled life went up in flames. Suddenly I was faced with days and days of free, empty space for me to do whatever I wanted with. I could go home after school and sleep. I could go to a cafe and spend a few hours there. I could go walk around my neighborhood for a few hours and take in the sunshine. I was given all this time to do whatever I wanted with. And sometimes I miss my schedules so much, because I had structure whereas now I often find myself just floating with no real purpose. 

          But I also think that's really beautiful. That I can go out and wander with no destination or time frame in mind. That I can sit a cafe for hours talking and not have to rush out to make it to the next place I need to be. I can just relax. And that's how Turkish time works. It says you don't need to plan out every minute of your day. You can just let life take you where it will with no time limits and no stress. 

          And my favorite part of Turkish time is the spontaneity in it. My plans were made days and weeks in advance at home but here they are made twenty minutes ahead and that's totally normal. My family can say, "Do you want to go the beach for the day?" and we will be on the road within minutes. It feels so nice to just go and do something without planning out every little detail. 

          While Turkish time can be a bit stressful as plans are made ten minutes ahead of time and I am left to fill hours of my time every day, it also gives me the ability to relax so much more than when I was in the U.S. And I truly love it. I wish we could be a little more spontaneous and a little less stressed in our daily lives at home. 

          Who knows if I will be able to retain some of my carefree attitude surrounding time after my return, but I hope it doesn't disappear completely. I have been able to relax so much because of this and I have figured out some of the things that make me truly happy when I was able to slow down and just look around. 

           I think we could all use a little more Turkish time in our lives. Try it sometime. I bet you will enjoy it. 

          

My New Normal

          I came to Turkey 7 months ago today. I have been living in this amazing place for 212 days. And at some point in these past 7 months, "life in Turkey" became "life", plain and simple. The things that made me feel like I was impossibly far from home when I first got here are now just the everyday occurrences of life in my new home. And that makes me wonder, when and how did it all become normal? 

          I got to skype with my family earlier this week. While we were talking, the call to prayer started in the background. The call to prayer has become the soundtrack to my life here and I barely even register it anymore. But that wasn't something my family was used to hearing and they asked me about it. And I realized that I hadn't even registered that it had started until it was pointed out to me. My first morning with my host family, I literally jumped out of my bed when the call to prayer went off at 5:45 in the morning. And so I began to wonder, When did I get so used to that part of life?

          I was talking to a friend recently and she asked me what are some different things in the culture here. And I spent all day thinking about it before I replied, "If you came here, I'm sure you would think everything was so different but it's all so normal to me now." And I started to wonder, when did that happen?

          When did the houses I see everyday go from being run down and dirty to absolutely beautiful to me? When did the public buses go from being death traps on wheels to my favorite form of transportation? When did Turkish food go from being something I ate when it was put in front of me to something I crave? When did I start being able to sing the Turkish pop music and having favorite Turkish TV shows? When did speaking Turkish go from being a chore to being something I love to do?

          I guess I can't really say exactly when this all became normal to me. There wasn't one day when I woke up and suddenly everything was normal and I never got the "What the heck!" look on my face anymore. I still get that sometimes; I didn't suddenly become Turkish and completely understand their culture. But at some point in these last months, this life became my new normal. 

          I have 3 more months here. Less than half of the time I have already spent here until I go home. And that's really not very long. I've begun to realize just how much I will miss it here. Everytime I think of leaving, I start to get a little emotional because this country has claimed my heart. 

          But for now, I plan to thoroughly enjoy the time I have left here. I can't wait to enjoy the next 3 months of my new normal and my new life. Happy Easter everyone!

Nevruz Kutlu Olsun and Other March Happenings

          March has brought many wonderful things to my life here, including some warmer weather which always makes me happy. I'm going to use this post to recap my month. Here we go. 

           I went on a ski trip to Uludağ with most of the other YES and NSLIY students. It was a very fast trip with us leaving Izmir Saturday night and returning late Sunday night after skiing all day Sunday. The weather was nice, although it was impossible to see at the top of one of the mountains because of very low clouds. Priya and I spent the day together and enjoyed talking to people who were on the lifts with us. Everyone was very interesting in why we were in Turkey and were very impressed that we spoke Turkish. We even made some friends who showed us how to get to the longest run in the mountain and stayed with us for a few runs. We also all loved getting to talk to the other people on the bus there and back. One of my favorite memories from the whole weekend was one of the guys we were talking to saying how we had changed his idea of what Americans are like. He said that before he met us he thought that Americans were always just thinking about themselves and never smiled but that after meeting us he knew that wasn't true. It made me so happy to know that I was able to change someone's idea of what Americans are like. 

We were driving down the mountain as the sun was setting and all the clouds were in the valley below us. The photo doesn't do it justice, but it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. 

           I officially became a Fenerbahçe fan when there was a Fenerbahçe vs. Galatasary soccer match. For those who don't know about the Turkish futbol scene (which I'm guessing is everyone), there are three big teams here: Galatasaray, Fenerbahçe, and Beşiktaş. The rivalries between these three teams is very serious, so whenever games between any of the teams happen, things get heated between the fans. My host dad is a Fenerbahçe fan and invited some of his friends (Galatasaray fans) and we got to watch the game. Fenerbahçe won so my host dad and I were both extremely happy and getting to see the extreme love for your soccer team in action was lots of fun for me. 

          My host family went on a day trip to a little coastal town right on the Aegean. Their bazaar was in full swing and everywhere you went people offered you bites of the food they were selling. I got to try some absolutely delicious foods and loved feeling so apart of the Turkish culture while I was there. 

          During this month was the first time that I have felt fairly comfortable speaking Turkish since I came here which was wonderful. I am finally able to understand most conversations and express myself on a variety of subjects. The joy that it brings me to be able to really connect with people and share more about my life and America is indescribable and I really feel that I am able to deepen my understanding of this culture now that I understand more. 

          I have continued to volunteer at the day home for older people every week. I love going there and hearing the stories of how Turkey used to be and how life used to be when they were my age. It's also so nice to be able to help out and brighten their days, while also brightening mine. 

          We commemorated the 100 year anniversary of the Battle of Çanakkale, during which the Turkish troops defeated the British. That battle was a very big deal for the Turks and was when Atatürk first began his rise to power. In remembrance, a presentation about the battles was given by students of my school. I loved watching the presentation and realizing how much history this country has been home to and I now get to see. 

          We celebrated the beginning of Spring, known as Nevruz here. We celebrated with different games in the shook garden, music, and some relaxing. It was fun to see everyone playin the games and I even got to play a game of Tug of War with the other 11th graders. 

I had a wonderful March and I'm so excited to see what April will bring. Thanks for reading! Have a good week!

What I've Learned About Living in the Moment

          I will be the first to admit that I am terrible at living in the moment. I love to reminisce about my favorite memories from when I was a kid and all the fun times I've had at Prep and with my friends. And I love to dream about the future and all the adventures it's going to bring me. And there isn't anything wrong with remembering the past and dreaming of the future. The past is there for me to look back on and remember how great things have been when things are hard and the future is there for me to imagine all the crazy things I will get to do.
          But there comes a certain time when remembering and dreaming gets in the way of living. I think many times when I was in the US, I spent so much time thinking of different times that I forgot to really live in my present and I probably missed some really great things because of that. So when I came here, I told myself that I was going to live fully and completely in the present. I understood how short a time I would get to live here and so I knew that I didn't want to miss a minute of it thinking of things that are no longer here.
           Saying that was one thing. Doing it was completely different. Because when you are away from your family and your friends and your home for this long, sometimes you need to escape to a different time to escape how hard the one you are in is. Sometimes the only thing that could make me feel better was dreaming about being home again after my year was over or remembering all those days spent laughing with my friends at home. I sometimes needed to escape the present for just a few minutes so I could come back and live in it again.
           And now that I've been here for so many months, I still haven't mastered the art of staying fully here all the time. But I've gotten better. Because I don't want to miss that moment when I'm laughing during a Backgammon game with a friend. I don't want to miss that beautiful sunset. I don't want to miss all the Turkish flying around me. I don't want to miss that moment when I'm dancing with the other students during dinner on our trip. I don't want to miss all these moments of complete and utter happiness.
           I only have 3 1/2 months left living here. 3 1/2 months of memories waiting to happen, of happiness waiting for me to enjoy it. But at the end of those months, I'm going to go back to the US and I'm going to make myself live in the present there too. Because good memories and happiness are everywhere and I will find wonderful moments there just like I have here. And I don't want to miss those either.
            So for now, I'm still working on staying present, but I've learned just how important it is while I've been here. If you spend all of your present living in the past and dreaming about the future, you aren't going to have anything to remember later. Here's to another 3 1/2 months in this wonderful life I've been given and another 3 1/2 months of happiness.

I'm so glad that I spend more time living the life I'm in right now because I would never want to have missed these moments. 

What I've Learned About Family

            The first thing that pops into my head when I think of family is naturally my sisters and parents. And then shortly after that, my many, many aunts, uncles, and cousins, and my grandmother and grandfather. Between both of my parents having multiple siblings with kids, some of whom now have their own kids, my family is pretty big. And I love it that way. Because I have baby cousins to play with and older cousins who give me their old clothes and I always know that there are so many people out there rooting for me. As I consider different colleges I may attend, I’ve realized that in most of the US, I would be relatively close to some of my family, and I’m really lucky for that.

                But all those people aren’t the only ones that I consider to be my family. My summer and high school swim team, my cross country team, the girls who I did ballet with, the distance runners on the track team, my friends at school. I consider every single one of those people another family to me. I have so many memories with each of those groups, and I spent so much time with each of them, that they feel like a family to me.

                And the 6 people who accompanied me here, and who have been by my side for this entire crazy adventure are as much a family to me as any of those other groups. Because they are the ones who have seen me at my worst and laughed with me at my happiest. They are the ones who I complain to and I am the one they gripe to. They understand this adventure I am on because they are on one a lot like it. And I am so incredibly thankful for the little family I have found in them.

                And of course, I have a new family in my host family here. These people who decided they wanted to let me take up room in their house and eat their food before they had ever met me will always be my second family. They’ve taken care of me when I’ve been sick, helped me learn Turkish, laughed with me when I’ve done something hilarious yet again, taken me to so many incredible places in this country, and most importantly, taken me in as one of their sisters and daughters. I came to their house six months ago today, and in that time, this apartment and this family have become home to me, and I will never stop being grateful for that.

                I’ve learned that family doesn’t necessarily have to be the people who are related to you by blood, but are always the people who love you, even in your not so nice moments. I am so lucky to have so many different families and I am thankful to each of them for supporting me and for teaching me different things. And I am so thankful to Turkey for giving me two new families; my host family and the other exchange students here. 

My lovely cross country family. 

My exchange family. 

And my real family. 

What I've Learned About Bravery

          Whenever I told people that I was going to study abroad at home, they would always tell me how brave I was. And I never understood that. I didn’t feel like what I was doing was brave; it was just different. They would say, “I could never be that brave.” And all I could think was that anyone can do what I’m doing if they wanted to.

                When I think of bravery, I think of the soldiers who fight wars for us knowing that they could be killed at any moment. I think of kidnapped children finding a way to escape. I think of families who walk hundreds of miles to escape oppressive governments. I even think of people who jump off cliffs into the ocean as being brave. But I never thought of myself as brave. I wasn’t putting my life at risk; I wasn’t in a dangerous situation. But now that I’m here, I realize that I was brave to do this. Living in the US was like standing at the edge of that cliff forever, and when I got on that plane to fly to Turkey, I jumped off the cliff. But the difference was that I didn’t know what was waiting for me at the bottom. I didn’t know whether there would be friendly people and beautiful views or a hellhole that I would have to live in. I jumped off that cliff knowing that what was waiting for me at the bottom might not be very nice, but I still jumped.

                I went to Prep for 5 years before I came to Turkey. And at least twice a week at Prep, we would have assemblies. Never once, in 5 years worth of assemblies, did I speak to the school. I stood up there a few times while other people talked, but I was always too scared to address the whole school by myself. In October, after less than 2 weeks of school in Turkey, I made a short speech to the entire student body and all the teachers in Turkish. I barely knew any Turkish but I did it anyways. 5 years and I couldn’t make an announcement in my native language, and 2 weeks go by and I had made one in Turkish. I realized during that that choosing to go on exchange isn’t brave in and of itself. But being on exchange makes you brave. You talk to the mean girls even when they laugh at the way you talk and you don’t let it bother you. You try to answer questions even when you have no idea what they asked. You get up in front of the entire school and introduce yourself in Turkish. When everything has already changed so much around you, you have no choice but to be brave. Even if you are scared to speak because everyone laughs when you do, you still have to or you will never learn. And that is true bravery.

                For my birthday last year, my grandfather gave me a ring that said courage on it. I immediately fell in love with it, because with my departure looming on the horizons and nerves sneaking in, I sometimes needed a little reminder to be brave. I wore it almost every day for the whole summer and whenever I would get nervous, I would look down and see “courage” written on it and it was the reminder I needed to be brave. And when I got on the plane to leave home, it was on my finger, there for me to look at when I needed a reassurance. And when I got up in front of my whole school to stumble along in my introduction, it was there.

                But I don’t have to wear it anymore to remember to be brave. Because I have spent the last 6 months being brave every day. The reminder to be brave is engraved in my heart now; I no longer need it on my finger.

                When I decided to go on exchange, I knew that it would change me. I knew that I would learn a new language. I knew that I would learn cultural quirks of a culture that was not my own. I knew that I would learn things about myself, like just how much I am capable of. But I never expected to see changes in myself so quickly. In the past 6 months, I have done more things that scare me than I can count. I’ve tried to order food at restaurants even though I have no idea how. I’ve asked questions with the worst grammar I’ve ever heard to my classmates because that’s all I can do. I’ve introduced myself to the entire school in Turkish. I’ve become brave.

Usually, I am not doing the big, scary things here. I just need that bravery that makes me try again, no matter how many times I've failed before.

There hasn't been a single day I've been here that I wasn't scared about doing something. But the  fact that I did those things anyway is what has made me brave all these days.

Every single person is brave because life requires it.